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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon level. I’m soaked in seconds. I duck into a shop on Maironio street, and it’s packed with souvenirs. I’m browsing, trying to dry off, and I see this ridiculous T-shirt that says “I survived Palanga.” I almost buy it, but then I remember I’m broke.

Lithuania sanctions Russian propagandist Sheynin, arrests his Palanga apartment